JESUS SAYS LET ME SLEEP GODDAMNIT!

Here’s another one that had people on Facebook concerned that I got arrested over the weekend.  I think I should start making it clear when I’m writing something that’s 40% fiction/lies.

It’s a little after 11am. Normally I get to sleep in on Sundays, as I work six days a week, and am required to be up around 5am on those days, I really enjoy sleeping in on Sundays.

As soon as the clock struck 8am, I was assaulted with Christian Rock music blasting through the walls of my home. At first I though my neighbour had found Jesus, but the sound was coming from the open field across the street. It was some kind of church picnic…or a Woodstock for those who wish to be saved.

This had been going on for over an hour.

So, I walked across the street to confront the jackass controlling their PA system.
As I’m making my way through the crowd, the reverend/preacher guy comes up to me and quietly says that it’s not appropriate for me to be wandering through his outdoor congregation in my bathrobe.

I gave him a disgusted look, and yelled in front of all his little followers:
“I’M NOT GAY! YOU SUCKED MY COCK!”

Well, for some people who are supposedly open minded and forgiving, they sure didn’t see the humor in that.

According to the police, I was the one causing the disturbance.

My court date is on September 27th.